Interpersonal communication competence
ability to communicate effectively, appropriately, and ethically.
interpersonal communication competence includes:
1) Developing a range of comm. skills 2) Adapting communication appropriately 3) engaging in dual perspective 4) monitoring communication 5) committing to ethical in interpersonal communication
understanding both our own and another person’s perspective belief, thoughts, or feelings.
capacity to observe and regulate your own communication; this occurs both before and during interaction
5 regulations of competence
1) developing a range of communication skills 2) Adapting them appropriately to goals, others, and situation 3) Engaging in dual perspective 4) monitoring communication and its impact 5) committing to ethical interpersonal communication
changes over time; goes back and forth; overlap(doesn’t label one person as a sender or the other as a receiver); more accurate because it emphasizes the dynamism of interpersonal communication; NOISE
represents communication ONE WAY direction from sender to receiver; represented as a sequence of actions in which one step (listening) follows an earlier step (talking).
External/physical-train Physiological-hunger/anger Psychological-ability to receive Semantic-ability to understand
2 views of interpersonal communication (how many people determine type of communication)
Quantitative: #’s how many people; 2 people are talking (talk based on roles) Qualitative: not limited to 2
people talking; doesn’t matter
Principles of Communication
We cannot NOT communicate-communication is constantly happening no matter where you're from
Interpersonal communication is irreversible- communication is irreversible; communication has an impact
Interpersonal communication involves ethical choices- interpersonal communication always has ethical implications.
branch of philosophy that focuses on moral principles and codes of conduct; concern issues of right vs wrong
People construct meanings in Interpersonal Communication- meanings arise out of how we interpret communication; use symbols; meaning can vary over time in response to experiences
and moods.
an abstract, arbitrary, and ambiguous representation of a phenomenon.
Metacommunication affects meanings- metacommunicate to find out whether you understand what another person expresses to you; helps friends and romantic partners express how they feel about their interactions.
communication about communication;
can increase understanding
Interpersonal communication develops and sustains relationships- interpersonal communication primary way we build, refine, and transform relationships; it allows us to construct/reconstruct individual and joint histories.
Interpersonal communication is NOT a panacea- not all societies talk/communicate extensively about their feelings like we do;
interpersonal communication has limits and its effectiveness is shaped by cultural contexts.
Interpersonal communication effectiveness can be learned- effective communicators aren’t born, it takes time.
Maslows Hierarchy of needs
Physical needssafety,love and belonging,self esteem,self actualization
Physical Needs- most basic needs (air, food, sex etc) Safety Needs-If you're in danger use communication to get out of it communication protects us from danger and harm. Belonging Needs-All of us want to feel that we fit in our work or social groups Self-Esteem Needs-involve valuing and respecting ourselves and being valued and respected by others; shapes how we communicate Self-Actualization Needs-most abstract human need; fully developing and using our unique talents, capacities, and potentials.
we treat others impersonally; treat someone like an object; dehumanize/objectify them
treat others more than an object but still don’t know them personally (don’t fully engage them as a unique individual)
personal communication treat other as a unique
individual
fairly stable set of personal characteristics. Known as roles/attributes; who we are. Governs how you process information and how well you communicate with others. Composed of self esteem and personality.
an evaluation of self worth
(due to genetics and society) characteristic ways of way we think and behave
(introverts vs extroverts)
when your young family/caregivers; as you get older become your peers, teachers, coaches, romantic partners, co workers. IMPORTANT PPL IN OUR LIVES--self starts from outside with particular others view of communication with us
4 ways particular others communicate:
1) Direct Definition 2) Reflected Apprasial 3) Identity scripts 4) Attachment styles
Communication that tells us explicitly who we are by labeling us and our behaviors. Both positive and negative direct definitions. Positive direct definitions enhance our self esteem, while negative direct definitions can demolish our sense of self worth.
(mirror)is our perception of another’s view of us, how we THINK others view us affects how we see ourselve
2 ways form from reflected appraisal
1) social comparison 2) self fulfilling prophecies
is the process of assessing ourselves in relation to others to form judgements of our own talents, abilities, qualities, and so forth.
MEASURING STROKES for yourself.
Self fulfilling prophecies
internalizing someone’s expectations; internalize someone’s judgments then we begin to behave in ways that are consistent with those expectations and judgements they can be: A) other imposed B) self imposed
rules of living and identity (spoken/unspoken) define rules of who we are and how we are supposed to live
Patterns of caregiving that teach us who we and others are and how to approach relationships-
A) secure B) fearful C) dismissive D) anxious/ambivalent
impression of self we want others to accept when we are interacting in social situations ex) job or student
How we use communication to persuade others to believe in the face we present ex) online-posting moments of your life
Information about yourself that you and others know
Information about yourself that you don't know, but others do know.
information about yourself that you know but others don't know
Information about yourself that neither you nor others know.
Problem’s with each window
Open Self: if you don’t have a large enough open self you can’t have a deep or meaningful conversation. Don’t have knowledge about other person, talk carefully. Blind self: If a person doesn’t know areas of annoyance it can create friction (workplace)- relates back to COMPETENCE monitoring communication Hidden self: If you aren’t willing to share information, or don’t open up a relationship can’t move past a certain stage Unknown self: Find things out during trying new things/ meeting new ppl
Guidelines for enriching self concept
1) Commitment to personal growth 2) Gain knowledge 3) Self disclosure when appropriate 4) Set goals that are realistic and fair 5) Seek contexts that support personal growth
Susan Cain's TED TALK- power of introverts
Introverts: energized in intimate settings, be with their thoughts. Extroverts: energized in large crowds, crave large amounts of stimulation. We have moved from a culture of character to a culture of personality (agriculture-->big business) KEY POINTS: 1) Go to wilderness 2) Stop never ending group work 3) Look inside your suitcase
Main steps of perception process
Selection Organization Interpretation
not objective (subjective)- what we select out (raw sense data) is BIAS We decide, we ignore other info (WHEN WE SELECT) When we select we ignore other cues
5 variables influence selection
1) Stimuli that stand out ex) bright lights (ambulance); 2) Repetitious stimuli ex) lecture 3) Contrast/change in stimuli ex) lights turning on/off 4) Motives ex) friends, family, school, money, job, etc.. 5) Cultures ex) values, attitudes, beliefs, behaviors
after selecting data, we need to make it meaningful Make it meaningful, easy operate with info After selecting we must organize data into a meaningful way
4 different schemata (mental guidelines that help us process incoming cues)-Interpretation:
1) Prototypes 2) Personal constructs 3) Sterotypes 4) Scripts
clearest or most representative, broad categorization ex) doctor, teacher, friend etc.. (can also be related to objects) Can be +: model exemplar or -
mental yardsticks(bipolar) we use to
measure a person or situation-detailed assessment Based on a yardstick of how we perceive ppl Do this with objects or things Ex) On one end of yardstick you say that person is smart which on the other end you say they are dumb (bipolar)
predictive generalization or expectations about how a person in a group with act ex) All artists are _____
guides to action (everything in life)
Ex) For a student it’s to study, take notes, listen, engage, pay attention.
TED talk "danger of single story"
Power of single story-highly influential (Fediah-boy who she assumed who couldn’t create anything new bc he was poor, story inside her head was wrong) Person in power gets to tell the story Create single story (stereotypes) bc 1 group says
this is what is true and no one says it is false then everyone believes the story
part of every interpersonal act (meaning is finally made) Plays a role in nearly every interpersonal communication To interpret meaning of another’s actions, we construct explanations or attributions for them. Why something happened/why someone acts a certain way
1) self serving bias 2) fundamental attribution error
taking credit (excessively so) for what we do well in life while trying to place the blame for things that go wrong on others (locus-internal vs external) Ex) blaming teacher for a bad grade
Fundamental attribution error
when it is at play, we are overestimating the internal
factors of the other person and underestimate the external factors of the other person Relate it back to PERSONALITY TRAITS ex) that person is lazy because they got a bad grade on the test, not looking at the external factors which could be: home life, work, other priorities
Factors that influence perception
1) Physiology 2) Expectation 3)
Age 4) Culture 5) self 6) cognitive abilities
Physiology(factor that influences perception)
stress can change how we perceive things ex) senses, fatigue, behavior, hunger
Expectation (factor influences perception)
influence perceptions in a range of communication situations- (includes self fulfilling prophecies-self and others) EXPECTATIONS PART OF SELECTION PROCESS ex) high/low expectation of others then disappoint or meet your expectation; self expectation
Age (factor that influences perception)
as we grow
older and have more experiences both pleasant and challenging our perspective on many things change ex) life experiences
Culture (factor that influences perception)
the influence of this is so persuasive that it is hard to realize how powerfully it shapes our perceptions ex) values, attitudes, beliefs Includes: Social location and Roles
Social location (part of culture)
affected by particular social groups to which we belong to
our perceptions also are shaped by this both the training we receive to fulfill a role and the actual demands of the role affect what we notice and how we interpret and evaluate the role. Professional or not; social family; significant ppl
Self (factors that influence perception)
negative self/self esteem view other negatively; positive self/ self esteem view others positively
Parts of Cognitive abilities (factor that influences perception)
Include: Cognitive complexity Person Centeredness Empathy
(wood) refers to the number of personal constructs used, how abstract they are, and how elaborately they interact to shape perceptions- let us make detail assessments; mental yardstick (bipolar in nature) (adler proctor): ability to construct a variety of frameworks for seeing an issue (cognitive
complexity)
our ability to perceive others as unique individuals it depends on: a) how well we make cognitive distinctions b) Person centered communicators use knowledge of particular others to guide their communication. ex) see Jennifer as just a professor, one of 4 professors that is it
Fuels the connection to other human beings (step into their shoes). Using empathy is a CHOICE,
have to be vulnerable, connect with that person on an individual level. LOOK AT THEIR PERSPECTIVE
1) Perspective taking 2) Staying out judgment (neutral) 3) Recognizing emotion of another person 4) Communicate
DIFFERENT THAN PERCEPTION PROCESS (selection, organization, and interpretation) Use in ambiguous situations (grey areas; more than way 1 to interpret situation) Point is to try to neutralize situations and not to create a bigger problem
Steps in perception checking
1) Describe behavior (no opinion) 2) Two possible interpretations of the behavior: Give the person 2 situations/interpretations that you think might be true 3) Request for clarification
Purposes behind each step in perception checking
1) stating facts; objective; use I language; on the same page 2) Show your thinking 3) Are you accurate
Language is part of naming and identity Language is the primary means by which we present ourselves and build relationships with others
nothing intrinsically connected to what they represent; an agreement amongst ppl about a word
meaning isn’t clear cut; different ppl have different meaning of word ex) word love
symbols don’t have connection to object (broad)
3 rules that govern language
1) Semantics: meaning of words 2) Syntax: structure; grammar language 3) Pragmatics: context; our perspectives
Rules we use to assign MEANING TO A SYMBOL (a word) 4 distinct/specific ways misunderstandings happen: 1) Equivocation 2) relative language 3) Static evaluation 4) Abstractions
connects to listener fidelity and perception
checking; more than 1 commonly accepted meaning ex) Your boss says he will talk talk to you later (its been 48 hrs)-use perception checking a)email your boss stating what happened thus far b) are you busy; did you forget c) we can talk later
use language that gains meaning by comparison ex) one friend says class was hard vs other said it was easy
statements that contain or imply
the word “is”; person constructs not detailed ex) Joey is a brat (all we come to think about that person)---> hasty generalizations
Problem with Static evaluation
you are saying the person isn’t changing (one thing)
How can you improve static evaluation?
talk about specific behaviors-use qualifiers and indexing
narrows the scope; in the situation situation to who/what your talking about ex) At Muskegon Buffalo Wild WIngs the service was slow
give specific time/dates to narrow scope ex) on Feb. 22 Buffalo Wild WIngs at Muskegon had very slow service
high abstract can lead to blanket judgments and stereotyping; narrows scope. Ability to ignore details of parts and focus attention on a higher level problem ex) rock-->80’s rock-->new wave-->B52s-->Rock lobster
The rules that govern GRAMMAR of language; where does the noun go, verb go etc.. how it helps with language.
TED talk "txting is killing language"
Texting is miraculous Language is speech Texting: fingered speech; emulates more closely how we talk to each other; lose Texting new structure (syntax) ex) 1) LOL: marker of empathy; no longer laughing out loud 2) Slash: changing topic; new info marker Developing new language
Deals with
context and how our context and our perspective influence how we interpret a message; interpret someone else's meaning unspoken. 2 types of understandings: 1) regulatory 2) constructive
regulate interaction; regulate interactions in terms of where, when, and with when. ex) you have regulative rule about whether or not you yell when you're arguing with someone.
what constitutes
something (goes to interpretation) ex) what constitutes respect?
Language can shape our perceptions (how we perceive the world) of the world around us and reflect the attitudes we hold
names are means of identification and shape the way others think of us, view ourselves, and the way we act. Influences individual identity, social groups, and family connection. includes: Ascription and Avowal
when we ascribe place name on someone else ex) saying this is what you're going to be called; victories of war decide what the losers are called
when you choose the name you want.
How we adapt our speech style to match or separate ourselves from others Includes: convergence and divergence
use language choices to show others we belong in group ex) police officers, doc
don’t know language of group making person feel like an outsider
powerless expression- lower level of power ex) hedge: “maybe we should do this”, I think we should do this”-takes the power away ex) Tag question: “what do you think”- not really asking for opinions, just giving an out
Fact opinion language Start with opinion→ leads to problems (I language) Should start with perception checking
Begin with interpretation as opposed to giving facts Perception checking
Think you’re describing but loaded with attitude ex) cheap vs frugal
language that projects responsibility for one’s own feelings or actions onto other people more accusatory and abstract
I language accepts personal responsibility whereas you language projects onto another person I language is more descriptive than you language I language is more honest
the process of making sense of others spoken messages (make sense of messages) is a PROCESS NOT a singular step Includes hearing and listening (NOT THE SAME)
focused on automation (automatically); routine; doesn’t have much investment-falls under I-It Buber spectrum ex) school
giving careful thought and attention to the messages we receive (putting all energy into it)-falls under I-thou Buber spectrum
allows us to understand the other person thoroughly and fully includes 3 parts: 1) focusing 2) encouraging 3) reflecting
listener faithfulness; the degree of faithfulness of what was said to what is being retold
Elements in listening process
Mindfulness Hearing Selecting and organizing material Interpreting Responding Remembering
Mindfulness (elements in listening)
Hearing (elements in listening process)
Selecting and organizing material (elements in listening process)
psychological process; use filters Selecting-motivation/expectation Organization-we make sense of message
Interpretation (elements in listening process)
Responding (elements in listening process)
demonstrates a good listener
Remembering (elements in listening process)
Meeting challenge of listening
Talk Less Get rid of distractions Don’t judge prematurely Look for Key ideas
Types of listening responses
Prompting Questioning Paraphrasing Suppportive Responses Analyzing Advising Judging
encourage; use both verbal/nonverbal; brief kinds of encouragement “uh-huh”
asking types of questions that help open up thinking can encourage self-discovery
allows you to check your understanding; connects to listener fidelity
not cold comfort (dismissive) or saying at least being empathetic
offer alternative view/meaning
are they interested in an evaluation; is it constructive
pretend listening, we appear to be attentive but really our minds are else where; we engage in this when we want to appear conscientious but we really aren’t interested or familiar with what’s being said so no need to concentrate.
continuously focusing communication on ourselves instead of listening to the person who is talking
involves focusing only on particular parts of communication; we screen out parts of message that don’t interest us and divert our attention to topics that do interest us
which is
perceiving personal attacks, criticism, or hostility in communication that’s not critical or mean spirited; we assume others don’t like, trust, or respect us and we read these motives into whatever they say
listening carefully for the purpose of attacking a speaker; involves careful listening but it isn’t motivated by a genuine desire to understand another person.
Literal/insensitive listening
which involves only listening for content and ignoring the relationship level of meaning; don’t make an effort to understand how others feel about what they say or to endorse them as ppl.